Etat Libre d'Orange Secretions Magnifiques


Katie, Have you tried Etat Libre d'Orange Sécrétions Magnifiques yet? You should do it on camera. If for no other reason than I want to see someone's face when they first put it on. And then desperately try to wash it off. (And this one seriously clings!) I made my friend Diane try it. Diane is predictable in her tastes in that she likes pleasant things. Which made convincing her to put on a few dabs of Sécrétions Magnifiques all the more gratifying. She was only mildly repulsed at first, but the following morning at 6 a.m. I received an email saying, "I smell like I had crazy sex with a stranger last night. And I just cut him to pieces!" I almost want to buy a bottle just to have it around, the perfume equivalent of a whoopee cushion, I guess. But also because I almost like it. And it makes me a little sick to my stomach. It's a little like going on a roller coaster, where you're laughing and getting sick at the same time. Wouldn't that make a good episode of KP Smells: "Tonight on Katie Puckrik Smells, Katie smells, laughs, and then gets sick on herself!" Think about it. Oh, and if you're brave, you won't just smell it out of the vial, you'll actually apply the stuff to your skin. Dan

Sécrétions Magnifiques is available from Lucky Scent and Les Senteurs, starting at $80 for 50 ml

73 comments:

  1. Katie, I loved your hysterical giggles! I wasn't as prepared as you when I tried SM because I, of course, read Luca's review and furiously obtained a sample (five stars, man! That might be the meanest thing a stranger has ever done to me.) First sniff was sheer revulsion (no laughing for me!); after the second sniff I actually tossed my cookies. The vial went into the trash and the trash went to the curb, and I went to the sink for about 15 minutes of uninterrupted hand washing. Curiously, my husband too thought it wasn't that bad! I hope this PSA will save thousands of curious fumeheads from having scent-induced nightmares. For me, alas, it is too late.

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  2. Oh, this was so much fun! :) You had me laughing out loud when I saw tears in your eyes.
    I went through an Etat sampler but unfortunately there weren't Secretions in it so I still don't know what it smells like (although at some point I was sure I must have smelled it since I had the sampler pack). Just for informational purposes, I will smell it sooner or later. :)

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  3. Thanks for taking one on (in?) the nose for us, Katie! There are so many priceless moments in this review, one of my very favorite of yours - but it can pretty much be summed up in two words: "Why? WHY?"

    That is precisely the reaction I have to many fragrances in the ELdO line, which seems more designed to "épater le bourgeois" than to "sent bon". Despite whatever its creators claim, unpleasant scents marketed with silly names and clunky and amateurish package art does not, in fact, equal "art" - especially when you have the gall to charge people $80-$100 a bottle to experience it. (That said, their Tom of Finland isn't too bad, even if it's not half as sexy or shocking as its name would lead you to believe.)

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  4. Thanks for this - love your reaction!!! When I sniffed it for the first time, it made me nearly throw up - the blood/metallic esp. Now can you see why I have no interest in trying any more of the line? I'm too scared! And like your husband, and JAntoi.'s, mine doesn't mind it either. Fancy that.

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  5. Thank you for review this. I had the same reaction! I got a sample of this just for laughs and giggles, but I couldn't believe how awful it smells and it lingers. However when a male coworker of mine smelt it he didn't think it smelt bad at all. Weird, but then again I didn't tell him what the perfume is suppose to smell like. Katie do you think half of it is psychological? Now I'm not sure what to do with the sample..I keep it in a sealed zip lock baggie..

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  6. I have no desire to disturb my delicate dermatological ecosystem with this fellated 'fumie phenomenon, though I did spew a bit of tea whilst watching the video. In order to see it, I first had to install Adobe Flash Player (following computer problems of epic proportions at the weekend), and the concept of "flashing" seems quite apt, given the subject matter.

    Also, I don't think I will be reaching for a crab and peanut butter sandwich any time soon. The squirrel is none too keen either.

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  7. Katie, you are hilarious and brave. Thanks for being a good sport!

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  8. Hilarious, Katie! I really enjoyed watching you experience this little gem because, God knows, I'm not game enough to go there myself. No thanks, I'll leave that to the professionals!
    But, after careful consideration, I reckon that Secretion Magnifique should now become you're daily signature scent. Yep, imagine the hilarity and high jinx as Katie goes through her daily chores cringing, spewing, crying out, cringing again, screaming for mercy, spewing and oh yeah, did I mention spewing? In fact, this could be the basis of a great reality TV show and I'd be there every week watching and experiencing your highs and lows, etc. Ah, one can only dream...

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  9. Katie, your video was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen!!! I wish I had filmed my reaction when I tried this one... it was so repulsive that I didn't have the nerve to ask for my husband's opinion:) To me, it was a little worse than the "crime scene scent", it smelled more like "monkey sex in the slaughterhouse". The worst thing is that I could still smell it after scrubbing my wrist with loads of soap, wish I had a sandblaster to scrub away this one!!!

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  10. I still can't stop laughing. More for Dan then Katie, that look in her eyes looked like bloody murder for Dan. Dan you heard it before Pay back is a Bitch!

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  11. Katie, I fell out of my chair and am ROFLMAO! When I smelled SM, I didn't have your courage - a whiff of the spray nozzle was enough to gag me and discourage me from going any further. ITA with, "Why? WHY?".

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  12. Well now I know -- I've never had the nerve -- five stars ---WTF!

    Thanks for being so brave!

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  13. I made similar faces after trying Jelly Belly's "Booger" jelly bean from the Harry Potter Collection.

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  14. Thanks for virtually suffering along with me, everyone! I am comforted! Somewhat.

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  15. When you were putting it on I was literally screaming, "No, Katie! No! Your nose! Your poor nose!" I tried some of this stuff a couple weeks ago and got the same impression of this stuff. It's like the troll of the perfume world and it's delightful in that way.

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  16. Best. Review. EVER.

    Seriously, I've never smelled the stuff (but I will) and even still all I could think was "STOP APPLYING." Your reaction was priceless, absolutely priceless. Out of curiosity, how long before those secretions wore off?

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  17. Oh, Katie, you poor brave woman, you...

    I salute you for your fearless sampling of what I now think of as the "Crying Penis Perfume."

    At one Sniffa, I was at Bendel's, and picked up the sample bottle of Sécretions Magnifique to just gingerly sniff the nozzle, and it leaked all over me and down my arm! I was ready to cut my arm off at the shoulder to get away from it. I agree with you -- it smells metallic, like blood and milk and death. No semen to speak of, at least not that I could detect.

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  18. It sounds like the accompanying smell to that movie I could not even begin to finish watching "Perfume - The Story of a Murderer"

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  19. The only thing more amusing than the expression on your face is the expression on someone's face who is completely unprepared for skin contact. Like during the the Sniffa incident at Bendel's. (Sorry Jarvis!) An accidental dousing with SM is somehow far worse than an intentional one.

    Oh dear. Now I sound almost as sadistic as Dan.

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  20. Hah! What a great review. I almost want to get a sample. Almost. But not really lol. 5 stars, really?

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  21. I...CAN'T....STOP......LAUGHING.....Out loud...at work....I am crying now!
    "Oh,it is sorta rotting..."
    "Why?"
    PRICELESS!

    Katie that was more fun than a roller coaster!
    I am going to watch this again

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  22. "Silkwood Shower"???? ROTFL! I missed that the first time because I was laughing so hard..

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  23. Hey don't give up on the line..i really love Charogne and Rien from the line.Thanks as always for making the day a better place.

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  24. Kay: "the troll of the perfume world". Yes! So ugly it's...still ugly. Maybe at the 10-hour mark it turns from an ogre to a princess? I couldn't stick it out.

    Lisa BTB: five stars for making you "live in the moment", that's for sure!

    onesmalldog - I do enjoy plenty of ELOs, along with CdG Daphne, which I think of as an ELO, as it was made by Antoine "Secretions Magnifiques" Lie, and seems to be built up from a base of Rien. I shall continue to take them on a case by case basis, with no SM prejudices.

    Chefronwife, happy to disrupt your work.

    Capri, probably more like the accompanying smell to the "Jeffrey Dahmer Story." Or if you're my husb, "The Deadliest Catch".

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  25. Spike, if I hadn't scrubbed with a cotton ball and rubbing alcohol, it would've lasted thru the night and then some. As it was, I kept catching little echos of it on my skin the next day.

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  26. Katie,

    I bet you were disappointed, but you can still score a decant of it from The Perfumed Court. Let me know if you find anything new at the Amouage store. Molook is one I think you will really like. So what is your count at for perfume buys?

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  27. Bad Dan. Bad, bad, bad. And Evil. Evil Dan. And the sad thing is that you told Katie it was bad and asked her to smell it and she DID! on Camera! But great video.

    I think I know why the penis is crying. Didja see the (ahem) pink, uh, tip? Maybe it was doused with this perfume and it had a bad reaction. Yikes. and ugh. Magnifique, my, uh, foot.

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  28. SoS, more like, Magnifique, my arse. Except less fragrant.

    Gojira - so far, I've only acquired Prada Myhrre. Aren't I good? Am not completely sure about Ayoon al-Maha, but I may get there yet. Nothing else is calling out for my credit card yet, but I've still to try Theo Fennell Scent, which may be "me".

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  29. SM is turning out to be the Double-Dog-Dare of the perfumista world, isn't it?

    It's tough to describe, but "crime scene" and "industrial waste" seemed particularly apt to me. My own notes said, "bloody knife + chemical spill." I did manage to not toss my cookies after trying it, but I only dabbed twice. I was watching you dab repeatedly and thinking, "ohhhh, she's gonna be so sorry..."

    It did make a great video.

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  30. Katie,

    I have been wanting to try Theo Fennell out too. I just have so much coming up that I have put them for later. I am in shock only one? Must be the jet lag curbing your spending.

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  31. Katie, it must be a guy/girl thing, because while I didn't like Magnificent Secretions, I wasn't repulsed by it either. Yet you were clearly repulsed!

    Avery Gilbert mentioned in his book that women in general (but there are always exceptions) have a more keen sense of smell than men do, so while you're crying in a corner, I'm thinking, "Eh, what's the big deal?"

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  32. I laughed! I cried! Brava! So funny and spontaneous and courageous. Thanks for a great video. It's so fun to see you crack up (you're usually so very in control).

    BTW I do like the Tilda Swinton-inspired ELO scent "Like This", I think it's the their best and most approachable. And Tom of Finland makes great use of saffron to render leather, though it is still decidedly strange...which is NOT a strike against it.

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  33. Fabulous- I grinned and laughed a long with you. I am a fool - for I have ordered a sample and I think it's probably in the mailbox. I'll subject myself to what you did, Katie.
    Graet video and review. :D *LOL*

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  34. Hilarious! I particularly like the "crime scene" description; it fits in really well with what I smelled.

    Also, I do believe your husband has put me off Chesapeake Bay crabs for life. :)

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  35. One more thought: I think Secretions Magnifiques is the perfume equivalent of a haute couture gown by an edgy designer: The gown is unwearable and maybe even uncomfortable, but it represents the artistic vision of the house and gets people talking, creates buzz.
    35 responses (and counting)to your video makes my point...

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  36. Scott, the "edgy designer gown" is an apt metaphor, I think. Perhaps SM is Lady Gaga's meat gown? And many of us have experienced the intrigue borne of reading/hearing someone's appalled response to a perfume: it often makes us want to smell it all the more. Just look at what Mimi Gardenia's gone and done.

    Nathan, the responses on my YouTube channel are telling me that the guys who've tried SM are, on the whole, not as horrified as the ladeeez.

    Sugandaraja - haha - bad press for the crabs!

    Muse, you were right, I WAS sorry. That fragrance was fully embedded in my skin!

    Gojira - another one bites the dust: Theo Fennell Scent is ALSO discontinued! I'm not having very good luck...

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  37. [comment from yesterdaysperfume]

    What a great idea to document your "first time" with Secretions Magnefique. I scored this a while back because of the horrendous reviews, and I have to say while I was as revulsed as you were (yes, to those who haven't sniffed it, it smells like blood — that's the metallic tang — sweat, and fresh spunk), I take it out every once and a while to jolt my senses. I think it's daring and awful, and to add insult to injury (an injury caused by a serial killer with a machete) you CANNOT GET RID OF THIS STUFF. Tenacious does not begin to describe it, and it's kinda more nauseating after you wipe up the top notes. You crazy man, Antoine Lie!

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  38. Katie,

    You could always try the new Amouage Memoir Man and Woman. Might help you get over your disappointment. So, are you still at 1 bottle of perfume? Un Air d’Arabie Oud by Dorin you might want to see if you can atleast try it. Not sure if its released yet in Britain. Are you at least taking some pictures this time? Enjoy the rest of your trip.

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  39. Dear Katie,
    I actually saw a girl BUYING this stuff!!! I was shell shocked, but she had a very peculiar skin chemistry and, on her, it smelled just very fresh and metallic, like a sword blade. Non that anyone wants to smell like a sword, but she loved it.
    Have you tried Multiple Rouges by HumieckY and Graef? I think it could be another interesting experiment in horror. It smells like a rave party: fruity sinthetic drugs and sweaty sneakers...

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  40. Dear Katie,

    I have a small bottle (a sample I got from a friend) and I must say it out loud:
    This is the most revolting monster I have ever encountered. And the worst thing is that you can't even wash this off. Only polish remover will do the trick. I took a shower, I spread creams, I tried everything to get rid of that smell. In the end nail polish remover saved me from passing all night embracing the toilet.
    It smells so much of egg whites that my gallbladder stone hurts just by smelling that yack thing!!! Seriously.

    I could not think of anything else than the crazy rapist baker perfume...while he is beating eggs and sugar to make merengue, he rapes customers and come in the batch in the end.

    Really not a nice scene...

    and the dripping dick...OMG...Luca thinks it is a master piece...I wonder why...


    Fragrant kisses from Brazil, Simone ( + Q Perfume Blog)

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  41. I don't think I've witnessed anything AS horrifying in a long time, as watching you slather that stuff on. Oh my gosh, my whole body went into a horror-freeze.

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  42. Elena, +Q and Prosetry - quite a little catalog of nightmares you've all supplied! Let's see here: rapist bakers, gallbladder traumas, hysterical paralysis, sword and rave perfumes. SM is certainly delivering the goods.

    And Elena, you've now inspired me to try my decant of Multiple Rouges.

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  43. cupcakes_doughnuts: I don't think the grossed-out reaction to SM is psychological, because it actually smelled less "physical" than I was led to believe. I was surprised at the metallic side, which was disgusting, but not in a "secretion" sort of way. But I'm getting the idea that perhaps a dab (and not a slathering like I did) of the stuff may register as "fresh". Hypothetically, that is, cuz I'm not gonna try it any time soon...

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  44. LOL! I LOVE your reaction!!! Kudos to you for applying it so liberally; this stuff is potent and lasts forever! It smells to me more like a sick person than somebody who just had sex.
    Now, if you want blood, I challenge you to try the new Byredo M/Mink! It is one refreshingly bizarre fragrance: unabashedly edgy, it wavers between metallic ink, sensual blood & harsh detergent. Octavian Coifan has a good review of it at "1000 fragrances" - http://bit.ly/chOHgh
    I'd be happy to send you a sample of it if you e-mail me your address (to archmemory [at] gmail [dot] com).

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  45. arch.memory, ohhhh...."sick person" - now that is not a happy smell. Thank you for the M/Mink tip - I think I'll be able to track it down at my end. You certainly make it sound like it's in the same family as SM.

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  46. Your review has produced another wonderful gem of basenotes perfume nerdery. General consensus seems to be that you are cute AND hot, but there is also a strong minority of basenoters who think you should be condemned because you aren't taking a serious thing like perfume seriously enough. It does remind me of the times when knights used to battle for the honor of an lady at glorious tournaments- only this time around the epic battle rages between basement perfume geeks on the internet. But you've got to take what you get :-).

    http://www.basenotes.net/threads/261510-Funniest-review-ever-Katie-Puckrik-and-Secretions-Magnifiques!

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  47. Max, perfume nerdery seems to be no different from any other form of obsession: there's always going to be the "holier than thou" sector. Except here I suppose we're talking about "smellier than thou".

    It's been interesting to note that the people I seem to enrage most intensely with my fume reviews are 50-year-old men and 12-year-old girls. I'm kind of afraid to connect any dots there.

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  48. (Barbara H emailed me her comment after having difficulty posting it on this site. Here's what she wrote....)

    "What a great idea to document your "first time" with Secretions Magnefique. I scored this a while back because of the horrendous reviews, and I have to say while I was as revulsed as you were (yes, to those who haven't sniffed it, it smells like blood — that's the metallic tang — sweat, and fresh spunk), I take it out every once and a while to jolt my senses. I think it's daring and awful, and to add insult to injury (an injury caused by a serial killer with a machete) you CANNOT GET RID OF THIS STUFF. Tenacious does not begin to describe it, and it's kinda more nauseating after you wipe up the top notes. You crazy man, Antoine Lie!"

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  49. Dear Katie,

    THANK YOU SO MUCH for reviewing Sécrétions Magnifiques like you did.
    This fragrance is meant to be crazy and outrageous; thank you for being outrageously sincere!
    In fact, SM is what you may call an "anti-fragrance" as it enhances smells that usually people try to hide from others' sensitive noses ... with fragrances!
    SM is a way to set your nature free.
    Dear Katie, I hope you will react as energetically at the beauty of SM's concept as you did with the related scent!

    Regards,

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  50. Laure, one of the best things about the smell of SM is that it violently insists that you have an authentic response. There's no real going away and thinking about it and composing one's thoughts. SM plunks you down in the now!

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  51. Katie:

    hilarious! I do concur with your husband and with Luca Turin - my first thought is brackish harbor water with decomposing algae ("stupendous bilge note"). Horrifying, of course.

    Speaking of which, does anybody else detect similar "bilge" notes in the drydown of certain florals? Or may be my brain was shell-shocked by smelling SM. But the drydown of Love in White or Bas de Soie smells pretty metallic-rotten to me.

    cacio

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  52. cacio, you could be on to something there. Not that I'm in a hurry to line up a bunch of metallic floral scents to recreate the joy of SM. I've only smelled Bas de Soie so far, not worn it, but it is certainly strange and metallic.

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  53. Thanks for the reply! After posting here, I did a search and found another basenotes reader who shares my thoughts on these mysterious metallic notes:
    http://www.basenotes.net/threads/260339-Bas-de-Soie-by-Serge-Lutens?p=1986364&viewfull=1#post1986364

    cacio

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  54. cacio - thanks so much for linking to mikeperez23's reliably astute fragrance musings. Both of you have offered a helpful signpost towards understanding Serge Lutens Bas de Soie.

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  55. I'm smelling SM again... and while the opening notes are rather repulsive... on the dry down I love it. The iris, which first smelt of fresh dog drool, becomes brisk and dry. Its the metal that gets to me in this perfume, but after that fades, SM has a sort of attractive primal quality... that kinda smells like bathroom soap...

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  56. LadyDeath777 - bathroom soap that the dog secretly drools on, perhaps? At some point I'll man up again with SM and see if I can stick it out to that attractively primal drydown. It's good to get feedback from people who can successfully pull this one off.

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  57. Sorry Katie but I only "met" you a few months ago... and I read your blog always I can. I have to tell.. THIS WAS FREAKIN´ HILARIOUS!!! LMAO!!!
    It´s the best perfume review I saw...ever! Congrats!!! LOL!!!


    Kléber Franco - São Paulo - Brazil.

    P.S. I was attempted to buy S.M... not anymore!

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    1. Thanks Kléber! I marvel that some people out there claim that they enjoy wearing SM.

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  58. Katie I went for the plunge and I ADORE this scent. Your review made me excited to get it regardless if I liked it or not. I am totally getting an outdoorsy fresh mountain vibe with a nutty after effect. Yes there is salty sea air too, like at the shore but still walking up a mountain. There is something else I cannot be sure about but it's nothing nasty, it's comforting. It flickers like a flourescent light, sweet like plant sap then musky like the electric sparks made by dodgems at the fair. Keep well x

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  59. I've been reading reviews of this scent for the past 20 minutes and have laughed myself into a headache. I *must* acquire a sample!

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    1. Just goes to show you, no publicity is bad publicity...as long as it intrigues and titillates interest in the product.

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    2. Yes indeed, although to be fair, I've seen a small handful of very favorable reviews. I have good luck pulling off the scents a lot of people hate (and bad luck with popular ones), so I have a faint hope of finding a new love.

      On that note, I really enjoyed your review of Gucci Rush - it's my all-time favorite scent, so that was a very interesting new perspective!

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  60. This perfumes such a great conversation piece because it's so polarizing. Either you hate it or love it. I've a question for you Katie. What are some things that smell like blood and semen? I concur with my bf that persimmons smell like semen. Others say egg white or bleach... I don't know about bleach, the egg white is a maybe. The albumen has a slight sulphuric saline, faintly bleach smell to it. But Im really stumped about the blood tho.

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    1. Bleach, poppers for semen. And here's a whole discussion of trees that smell like semen:
      http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/archive/index.php/t-321896.html

      For blood, anything that smells like metallic meat. Dans tes Bras by Frederic Malle has an aspect of that. And so do live tuberoses.

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  61. Your video has cheered me up when I thought nothing could. Thank you. :) Now, in my less teary-eyed mood, I'm going to order a sample of this divine fragrance :P

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    1. Aw, I'm glad my tears of olfactory pain helped get you over a rough patch, Melissa.

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  62. To me Secretions Magnifique reminds me of the smell you would get when you wake up from the worst hangover. You just realised you have woken up next to a naked ugly bird from a one night stand and you think WTF! Then you go over to the mirror only to realise that your face is bloodied and your front teeth are knocked out. Everything than ever so slowly comes back to you........... you were involved in a massive bar fight prior to the onenight stand with this woman who stank of cheap perfume and milk as she was lactating.....thus the stench............overall, after the initial shock I actually liked the musky drydown.

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    1. Isn't this the plot from "The Hangover"?

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    2. Yes and no.....its a personalised version.....LOL! Don't worry I still have all my teeth!
      But it does remind me of what I said above I.e. the morning after........after a good bit of rogering....

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  63. A little late in the comments for this scent but I recently began my journey in smells and reading Ms. Puckirk's. Ha. I think the way the scent is presented and describe does set you up for what to expect. Secretions Magnifiques sets you up to expect nastiness. I ask my sister what she smelled without showing her the name nor the label. She said Parsley. I recently ordered some perfume raw materials to become familiar with some of the ingredients for perfumes and I noticed this smells a lot like a high concentration of Mandarine Aldehyde. Those are my two cents on Secretions Magnifiques.

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    1. I had "blind sniff association test" from the other direction. I was walking down the street in Hollywood on a summer's day and passed a lamppost exuding a powerful odor that immediately reminded me of Secretions Magnifiques. I believe the lamppost was an ad hoc doggie toilet. I wasn't thinking of SM, wasn't looking for it, but it came to mind when I smelled canine pee!

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  64. A fantastic inspired review, and a great inspiring discussion. Kudos, Ms Puckrik.
    P

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