Hermes Terre d'Hermes Eau de Toilette and Parfum

...refined ruggedness.

A few months ago, I was sampling men’s fragrances at Nordstrom, when a strapping, handsome, 30-something guy whooshed by me to grab the Terre d'Hermès tester off the shelf.

Brandishing it at his considerably less strapping and handsome friend, he announced, “This is the stuff. This is what I wear. It’s the best. It smells great. You need to get this.”

His friend looked on, a little unsure, but obviously impressed by Cologne Bully’s commanding authority. I know I was impressed. I couldn’t imagine possessing the level of confidence required to boss someone around about such a personal choice.

Like, “I smell lush, and I’m obviously fantastic, so I know you’ll want to wear the same perfume I do.”

Oh my God, I think I’ve just written the catchphrase for the imaginary Montale White Aoud commercial I’m starring in. I hope there’s not a conflict with my imaginary Comme des Garçons Daphne commercial.

The catchphrase for that one is, “I smell lush, and everyone else can souk it.”

Or my imaginary commercial for Bruno Acampora Musc:

“I smell lush, and yes, I did change my underwear.”

Boy, my imaginary career sure is going gangbusters!

But back to the Cologne Bully. After witnessing all the Terre d'Hermès brandishing and endorsements, I rather tragically misread the scenario as an invitation to talk fumes with fellow aficionados.

“Oh, that is a great one!” I chimed in, warmly. I picked up the Tom Ford For Men Extreme tester.

“And have you tried this one?” I chirped, holding it out to them. “I really love how warm and leathery it is!”

The air chilled. Cologne Bully glared at me. His friend shifted uncomfortably. My proffered tester hung in the air, untested.

“Uh, yeah...maybe,” snapped Cologne Bully. I’d clearly disrupted his master and servant routine. Dismissing me, he turned back to his friend.

Nothing’s better than Terre d'Hermès,” I heard him saying as I walked away.

Terre d'Hermès parfum is available from, starting at $96 for 75ml; Terre d'Hermès eau de toilette is available from and, starting at $52 for 50ml


  1. Once a cologne bully, always a cologne bully. Can't live with them, can't smell them. (Unless they demand that you do!)

  2. Often, the way a Cologne Bully bullies is through their smell. A smell you take no joy in smelling. A smell enfolding you in suffocating clouds of mediocrity.

  3. I always thought Cologne bullies were Axe-oholics. Maybe this troglodyte has been enlightened?

  4. Paul, a little taste is a dangerous thing.